Spring has sprung here in Murray. All I can say about this is that life is great. I have amazing friends. I have amazing times with those friends. I'm always sentimental about them, but I can't help thanking God for them everyday.
I also have the worst timing ever. I'll learn to think my timing through a little better the next time. La presencia del miedo es la ausencia del gozo. The presence of fear is the absence of joy.
I came up with that myself...at least, I don't think I got it from someone else. Had I thought along those lines about a month ago I might be singing a slightly different, but nonetheless still happy tune.
With this post I'm simply reestablishing (or maybe re-establishing) blogging habits, though I've posted a few things here and there on Facebook. I need a digital camera. There are important things in my life I need to show here.
Monday, April 7, 2008
Monday, December 3, 2007
Can't Sleep
The things that keep us awake at night are always good for talking about in notes. However, I won't discuss too much openly here. I want to write, but I don't want to pour everything out on Facebook, or even on a piece of paper at home. Learn from the past and move on, right?
I used to be the kid in high school who moped around trying to get attention. I did have real reasons to be sad, but I let it consume me. Because of that, I hate writing blogs and sounding depressed. In fact, I hate telling anyone about problems. I don't feel comfortable in my own skin right now, and I don't think I ever have. I'm reading the youth translation of Brennan Manning's "Abba's Child," and as a result, I'm trying desperately to learn to love myself. The truth is, though, that there are so many things about me that I despise. I want to pretend like body image isn't an issue for me. I want to pretend that I think purely and have everything under control. I wish I could go back to how I was when I was in fourth grade. Back then, I was a good boy because it was how I felt convicted to be. I truly believed in loving others. As time went on, people saw those things and began to think that I was a great kid. I was a leader in the youth group at my church (if not THE leader). I was the one who was supposed to become a missionary. But I began to put on for others. I don't know what was authentic anymore. Did I do all of that because I was close to God, or did I do it to impress others?
I've begun a quest for reality. I strive only to show nothing more and nothing less than who I am. I believe in painful but loving honesty. I believe in cleaning up all the bullshit lying around. I've stopped believing in evangelism for the sake of evangelism. Relationships are key.
I've stopped believing in perfection. I know no one claims to be perfect, but do we not sacrifice every comfort in order to maintain the image of it? If we can't progressively be perfect, then we certainly must look good in whatever endeavors we pursue.
No.
Sorry, I'm not. I hope and pray that I will stop trying to act like it.
I used to be the kid in high school who moped around trying to get attention. I did have real reasons to be sad, but I let it consume me. Because of that, I hate writing blogs and sounding depressed. In fact, I hate telling anyone about problems. I don't feel comfortable in my own skin right now, and I don't think I ever have. I'm reading the youth translation of Brennan Manning's "Abba's Child," and as a result, I'm trying desperately to learn to love myself. The truth is, though, that there are so many things about me that I despise. I want to pretend like body image isn't an issue for me. I want to pretend that I think purely and have everything under control. I wish I could go back to how I was when I was in fourth grade. Back then, I was a good boy because it was how I felt convicted to be. I truly believed in loving others. As time went on, people saw those things and began to think that I was a great kid. I was a leader in the youth group at my church (if not THE leader). I was the one who was supposed to become a missionary. But I began to put on for others. I don't know what was authentic anymore. Did I do all of that because I was close to God, or did I do it to impress others?
I've begun a quest for reality. I strive only to show nothing more and nothing less than who I am. I believe in painful but loving honesty. I believe in cleaning up all the bullshit lying around. I've stopped believing in evangelism for the sake of evangelism. Relationships are key.
I've stopped believing in perfection. I know no one claims to be perfect, but do we not sacrifice every comfort in order to maintain the image of it? If we can't progressively be perfect, then we certainly must look good in whatever endeavors we pursue.
No.
Sorry, I'm not. I hope and pray that I will stop trying to act like it.
Sunday, November 25, 2007
Water
Water is clear...
Air is clear.
Glass is clear.
But I would say that my water is a bit murky,
my air a little cloudy,
my glass somewhat hazy.
But that's ok. I'm happy now because it was completely opaque.
Air is clear.
Glass is clear.
But I would say that my water is a bit murky,
my air a little cloudy,
my glass somewhat hazy.
But that's ok. I'm happy now because it was completely opaque.
Water
Water is clear...
Air is clear.
Glass is clear.
But I would say that my water is a bit murky,
my air a little cloudy,
my glass somewhat hazy.
But that's ok. I'm happy now because it was completely opaque.
Air is clear.
Glass is clear.
But I would say that my water is a bit murky,
my air a little cloudy,
my glass somewhat hazy.
But that's ok. I'm happy now because it was completely opaque.
Monday, October 22, 2007
Mexico or Germany?
Next summer I need to go somewhere. I'm starting to get the itch to travel again...No, I take that back. It's starting to overwhelm me. I've been dying to get back out into the wide world beyond Kentucky since Last year, and my brief two weeks in Germany last spring only made me want to head back out even more.
Will I ever want to settle down?
I'm 20, and while I'm young, I want to go places and see things. I want to learn other languages and understand other people. I've started unofficially learning some Russian from a friend of mine, and I've got this little bit of French I picked up during high school...I could get my fluency in five languages within the next two or three years if I try hard enough. But I'm not quite ready to start working on the new ones yet. I want to go back to Mexico or Germany. The question is, which one do I pick?
Mexico is cheaper (but only by about $200). I've not been there since the very end of 2004, and I can't believe that. There's also a good deal of help I could contribute there...
Germany is where I feel a bit more involved. Having lived there for a year, keeping in constant contac with friends from there, and the good public transportation is a plus. Europe is really fascinating, but also a good place to relax.
I really hate having to decide. Part of me wants to go to Germany for a while, then head to Mexico immediately afterward. Part of me wants to spend the whole summer abroad. Part of me wants to slap both of those other parts in the face.
Anyway, any input? Flying to Mexico will cost roughly $530...Germany will cost anywhere from $800-$1000...but if I start saving now, it shouldn't be a problem...There are also other things I'm considering...Grad school, immediately employment...It's all too much. I have no idea what I want to do right now.
Will I ever want to settle down?
I'm 20, and while I'm young, I want to go places and see things. I want to learn other languages and understand other people. I've started unofficially learning some Russian from a friend of mine, and I've got this little bit of French I picked up during high school...I could get my fluency in five languages within the next two or three years if I try hard enough. But I'm not quite ready to start working on the new ones yet. I want to go back to Mexico or Germany. The question is, which one do I pick?
Mexico is cheaper (but only by about $200). I've not been there since the very end of 2004, and I can't believe that. There's also a good deal of help I could contribute there...
Germany is where I feel a bit more involved. Having lived there for a year, keeping in constant contac with friends from there, and the good public transportation is a plus. Europe is really fascinating, but also a good place to relax.
I really hate having to decide. Part of me wants to go to Germany for a while, then head to Mexico immediately afterward. Part of me wants to spend the whole summer abroad. Part of me wants to slap both of those other parts in the face.
Anyway, any input? Flying to Mexico will cost roughly $530...Germany will cost anywhere from $800-$1000...but if I start saving now, it shouldn't be a problem...There are also other things I'm considering...Grad school, immediately employment...It's all too much. I have no idea what I want to do right now.
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Metal=Loud
And that's what I'm around Tuesdays and Thursdays from 4 PM to 12:30 AM. It's my new job, and I have to say, I like it more than I thought I would. I work at Briggs and Stratton as an operator in power testing. That means I am one of six people who are responsible for testing the engines and setting the speed on them. There are six different jobs to be done on the line, and I'm finally starting to feel fairly comfortable with them. (After three days of working)
Other than that, life is life. Bible studies are happening Monday nights at my apartment; I'm working on research papers; I'm spending time with friends...That's my life, and I'm pretty content at the moment.
I am also deciding to cut meat out of my diet for a while. Last week was my "experimental vegetarian week," and it went surprisingly well. I ate meat on Wednesday and Saturday, and that's because I was supporting things dealing with our German program. On Monday I had French onion soup (with beef broth), but the rest of the time it went fairly well. I haven't had any meat since Saturday, and I don't see any in the forecast at least until this Saturday (another Bratwurst grill with some of the language professors, language majors, and random people), and I might not eat any then. Sepa la bola.
But I feel pretty energetic now...I'm proud that I'm cutting out meat, because I've been eating healthier foods as a result. The book "Being Vegetarian for Dummies" has been a huge help...anyone wanting to make the transition should check it out.
Anyway, other than that, there's not a lot to say. If you're reading this, feel free to post a comment. If you'd prefer a different language, let me know, and I'll switch. I write so that people can keep up with me, and I'll switch to suit your preference...to a certain extent. Das heisst aber nicht, dass es sich nicht genauso wie jetzt anhoeren wird. Pero no creo que sea un problema del idioma...
In conclusion...
Keep it real.
~Bustaaaaa
Other than that, life is life. Bible studies are happening Monday nights at my apartment; I'm working on research papers; I'm spending time with friends...That's my life, and I'm pretty content at the moment.
I am also deciding to cut meat out of my diet for a while. Last week was my "experimental vegetarian week," and it went surprisingly well. I ate meat on Wednesday and Saturday, and that's because I was supporting things dealing with our German program. On Monday I had French onion soup (with beef broth), but the rest of the time it went fairly well. I haven't had any meat since Saturday, and I don't see any in the forecast at least until this Saturday (another Bratwurst grill with some of the language professors, language majors, and random people), and I might not eat any then. Sepa la bola.
But I feel pretty energetic now...I'm proud that I'm cutting out meat, because I've been eating healthier foods as a result. The book "Being Vegetarian for Dummies" has been a huge help...anyone wanting to make the transition should check it out.
Anyway, other than that, there's not a lot to say. If you're reading this, feel free to post a comment. If you'd prefer a different language, let me know, and I'll switch. I write so that people can keep up with me, and I'll switch to suit your preference...to a certain extent. Das heisst aber nicht, dass es sich nicht genauso wie jetzt anhoeren wird. Pero no creo que sea un problema del idioma...
In conclusion...
Keep it real.
~Bustaaaaa
Thursday, October 4, 2007
Cracking My Knuckles
I'm trying to think of something to write. I like to write regularly, but if anything exciting happened this week I was too tired to realize it.
It was a slow one. I spent some time with friends, convinced my Spanish professor to let us have one more day added to our Fall Break (which is all day Friday), and had dinner with a friend I haven't talked to in a while.
We had our first official Bible Study of the home church on Monday, which went quite well.
Other than that, I suppose I should say (in regards to my last entry) that I'm dropping EDU 303. Maybe I'll take it again next semester. Maybe not. I feel like the old woman who lived in the shoe...except my shoe looks like this...
Her's looked a little more like a boot...
But I'm the same as her...
I really don't know what to do.
It was a slow one. I spent some time with friends, convinced my Spanish professor to let us have one more day added to our Fall Break (which is all day Friday), and had dinner with a friend I haven't talked to in a while.
We had our first official Bible Study of the home church on Monday, which went quite well.
Other than that, I suppose I should say (in regards to my last entry) that I'm dropping EDU 303. Maybe I'll take it again next semester. Maybe not. I feel like the old woman who lived in the shoe...except my shoe looks like this...
Her's looked a little more like a boot...
But I'm the same as her...
I really don't know what to do.
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