These days I feel like I'm starting to "get" a few poets and authors more than others. Jimenez, dijiste que podriamos crear mundos. Aqui creo el mio.
My pain is gone and I am happy.
I'm actually helping others feel happy.
I'm watching myself excel and love and not worrying about
things.
I see myself effortlessly pushing past my weaknesses.
I see myself living simply.
I see myself smiling and in several different
places.
There are people in and out of my home.
There are people feeling at ease with me.
And every person looks lovingly toward other
people.
And the earth is clean and verdant.
Mountains stretch toward the sky and birds sing songs
harmonious.
And the sea reaches out to the land
lovingly sculpting the land and to man it simply appears
limitless.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Cannibalism
Just like we don't take animals into account when we eat them, my family has no idea that it's slowly consuming me and eating me alive. I can't get their problems out of my mind, and I am at wit's end and need to clean myself up and get out.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Vegetarianism
I'm thinking of becoming a vegetarian again. If we cut down our meat consumption by 10 % we'd improve the air quality by 25 %. We're getting to the point that we need to be thinking about these things.
Also considering I've done it before and the fact that it saves money and is, not to mention, healthier, makes it seem like the best idea.
I'm about to go on a trial run with it again. But I think I might do it for a while.
Also considering I've done it before and the fact that it saves money and is, not to mention, healthier, makes it seem like the best idea.
I'm about to go on a trial run with it again. But I think I might do it for a while.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
I don't want my titles transliterated to Hindi, thanks.
I figured out why all my other titles looked strange. For some reason I had enabled transliteration on my titles, and all of them were being set into Hindi scripts.
But the real name of today's post is:
Pull Down the Blinds
I have retreated. I have built up the walls and stationed the sentries. No one can make it through my defenses because I have amazing will power to put things into motion when I truly want them.
My room is dark. My bed is comfortable. I have books to read.
My classes go on without me, and I ask myself if I'll ever be half the student I could be.
The only thing that breaks my peace are the nightmares every night. And to the general public I cannot share so much painful information. I am literally in pain from stress, and the pressure in my head seems to have taken up permanent residence there and moved to the left side as well.
I am only happy when I'm reading. I'm only happy as an activist. But maybe I'm ignoring something crucial.
"Everybody thinks of changing humanity and nobody thinks of changing himself."
--Leo Tolstoy
Thank you, Mr. Tolstoy. You've given me one more thing to think about.
But the real name of today's post is:
Pull Down the Blinds
I have retreated. I have built up the walls and stationed the sentries. No one can make it through my defenses because I have amazing will power to put things into motion when I truly want them.
My room is dark. My bed is comfortable. I have books to read.
My classes go on without me, and I ask myself if I'll ever be half the student I could be.
The only thing that breaks my peace are the nightmares every night. And to the general public I cannot share so much painful information. I am literally in pain from stress, and the pressure in my head seems to have taken up permanent residence there and moved to the left side as well.
I am only happy when I'm reading. I'm only happy as an activist. But maybe I'm ignoring something crucial.
"Everybody thinks of changing humanity and nobody thinks of changing himself."
--Leo Tolstoy
Thank you, Mr. Tolstoy. You've given me one more thing to think about.
Monday, April 20, 2009
Existence and X/Y Values or Inverse Equations (Buster's thoughts for an evening)
Taken from a 27 March Facebook entry...
So I'm stuck in this mode tonight.
What am I? I look at pictures, and some would say I see what I am. But that's only an image, so it's not me.
In my memory I see my family, but the living, breathing family of today is not that. So is it my family? Is the present all that is? Because things in the past WERE, as we learn when we study other languages. But is the present really valid? Can it be? It's not what WILL BE.
Sometimes we lose ourselves in other worlds. Or maybe we find ourselves there. Maybe we find pieces of ourselves spread across our interests, our weaknesses, our talents, and our strengths and dirty weaknesses. What does it mean to be me?
"The whole is more than the sum of its parts," says Aristotle. So I am Buster. But I'm also Francis. I live in Kentucky. I play some music. I speak three languages.
That list could go on and on. Take one away, and you don't have me anymore, you have something less.
I am a unique mixture of these things, but perhaps I'm only in a unique package. Maybe there are thousands, if not millions, of other "types" like me. Other "mixtures" that are just put together differently from the outside.
Some things I realized though are that we can NOT escape from ourselves forever.
We can easily deceive ourselves to believe something that is not true as long as we will it to be true. So is truth then absolute, or is it how we perceive it?
If it's how we perceive it, then the "mentally unstable" are seeing truth. But if they're seeing truth, and we're seeing truth, then perhaps truth is multi-faceted.
But if they're insane, then truth is in the eyes of the masses. But what if the masses are wrong?
In the end, isn't truth only decided by the ones who outnumber the others? Isn't that the principle of democracy? Don't we see this at work in what we call "fair trials"?
I can't escape who I am. I can only deceive myself and make myself believe I'm what I'm not. But finding out exactly what parts go into the complicated equation of "me" is going to be difficult, if not impossible. But then again, maybe it's not necessary. Maybe I should just accept myself as the whole? But if I only see what I think is there, am I really seeing the true me? Let's say the answer to equation one is "x" and the answer to equation two is "y." If y is the truth, but x is a perceived notion based on observable values, then it's very easy to conclude that x is not y. Is this making sense?
And at one point in life I was interested in inverse equations (otherwise known as opposing forces). If that's the case, if people fit into this blank and barebones algebraic theory, do each of us also have an inverse value?
If "you" (or whatever vestige of yourself you may be deceived to think you are) would like to delve deeper into these thoughts, talk to me. Or watch the movie "The Nines." It will make you think. As for me, I'm going to stare at my ceiling and think about this for a while.
So I'm stuck in this mode tonight.
What am I? I look at pictures, and some would say I see what I am. But that's only an image, so it's not me.
In my memory I see my family, but the living, breathing family of today is not that. So is it my family? Is the present all that is? Because things in the past WERE, as we learn when we study other languages. But is the present really valid? Can it be? It's not what WILL BE.
Sometimes we lose ourselves in other worlds. Or maybe we find ourselves there. Maybe we find pieces of ourselves spread across our interests, our weaknesses, our talents, and our strengths and dirty weaknesses. What does it mean to be me?
"The whole is more than the sum of its parts," says Aristotle. So I am Buster. But I'm also Francis. I live in Kentucky. I play some music. I speak three languages.
That list could go on and on. Take one away, and you don't have me anymore, you have something less.
I am a unique mixture of these things, but perhaps I'm only in a unique package. Maybe there are thousands, if not millions, of other "types" like me. Other "mixtures" that are just put together differently from the outside.
Some things I realized though are that we can NOT escape from ourselves forever.
We can easily deceive ourselves to believe something that is not true as long as we will it to be true. So is truth then absolute, or is it how we perceive it?
If it's how we perceive it, then the "mentally unstable" are seeing truth. But if they're seeing truth, and we're seeing truth, then perhaps truth is multi-faceted.
But if they're insane, then truth is in the eyes of the masses. But what if the masses are wrong?
In the end, isn't truth only decided by the ones who outnumber the others? Isn't that the principle of democracy? Don't we see this at work in what we call "fair trials"?
I can't escape who I am. I can only deceive myself and make myself believe I'm what I'm not. But finding out exactly what parts go into the complicated equation of "me" is going to be difficult, if not impossible. But then again, maybe it's not necessary. Maybe I should just accept myself as the whole? But if I only see what I think is there, am I really seeing the true me? Let's say the answer to equation one is "x" and the answer to equation two is "y." If y is the truth, but x is a perceived notion based on observable values, then it's very easy to conclude that x is not y. Is this making sense?
And at one point in life I was interested in inverse equations (otherwise known as opposing forces). If that's the case, if people fit into this blank and barebones algebraic theory, do each of us also have an inverse value?
If "you" (or whatever vestige of yourself you may be deceived to think you are) would like to delve deeper into these thoughts, talk to me. Or watch the movie "The Nines." It will make you think. As for me, I'm going to stare at my ceiling and think about this for a while.
Saturday, September 27, 2008
एवेर्य्थिंग इस Different
I have no idea why my titles come up like that. The first two jarbles of words are supposed to be "Everything" and "Is."
It's really hard to put my finger on the things that are different.
But I guess if you spend as much time in other countries, on a college campus or traveling in general as I do, life will never consist of any sort of solid foundation of continuity.
I look at friendships growing, friendships dying, feelings of love disappearing almost completely, and I wonder what I can really rely on these days. I guess maybe I'm at the point in my life where change begins to sound less appealing. Or maybe it still does. The idea of traveling abroad sounds great, but the idea of leaving so much behind is terrible.
"..and eventually, the only thing they had in common were their differences..."
I don't really know what I want from life at this point. I think I'll move to Mexico next year, but is that going to be different now that I've been away from there for several years? Germany feels much further away this year than it has in the last few years. Going home is like stepping into a totally different world...or maybe like seeing a place I only know at night during the day. I'm watching my country get weaker, be it through our politicians' inability to unite for some common good or the simple passage of time, the National Enquirer is actually competing with mainstream news media, the presidential campaign is looking more like American Idol than an actual election...
I don't really know what I can rely on anymore. Money isn't always there. Friendships are ridiculously fragile. My body only has a certain amount of time.
This country appears to be on the fast track to ruin. This world will almost certainly follow suit if we people don't straighten up.
I don't know what I want, but I keep having weird images in my head of being an important leader, or launching a huge attack against AIDS and world poverty...
Beyond that, not a lot really matters to me. And I'm quite serious about that.
It's really hard to put my finger on the things that are different.
But I guess if you spend as much time in other countries, on a college campus or traveling in general as I do, life will never consist of any sort of solid foundation of continuity.
I look at friendships growing, friendships dying, feelings of love disappearing almost completely, and I wonder what I can really rely on these days. I guess maybe I'm at the point in my life where change begins to sound less appealing. Or maybe it still does. The idea of traveling abroad sounds great, but the idea of leaving so much behind is terrible.
"..and eventually, the only thing they had in common were their differences..."
I don't really know what I want from life at this point. I think I'll move to Mexico next year, but is that going to be different now that I've been away from there for several years? Germany feels much further away this year than it has in the last few years. Going home is like stepping into a totally different world...or maybe like seeing a place I only know at night during the day. I'm watching my country get weaker, be it through our politicians' inability to unite for some common good or the simple passage of time, the National Enquirer is actually competing with mainstream news media, the presidential campaign is looking more like American Idol than an actual election...
I don't really know what I can rely on anymore. Money isn't always there. Friendships are ridiculously fragile. My body only has a certain amount of time.
This country appears to be on the fast track to ruin. This world will almost certainly follow suit if we people don't straighten up.
I don't know what I want, but I keep having weird images in my head of being an important leader, or launching a huge attack against AIDS and world poverty...
Beyond that, not a lot really matters to me. And I'm quite serious about that.
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
फ्रेंच अफेयर्स
(I don't know why the title looks like it's written with some foreign script.)
So, according to my French professor, love in France is a game. You ignore the one you love. I think we also do this in America.
Similarly, it's also uncomfortable to express to friends how much they mean to you. Once, someone told me that I was a good friend...it was a really intense moment. I gave a thumbs up, because I felt too awkward to say anything else. That was stupid.
Telling someone that you're interested in them takes time...at least with me. I'm just reflecting on it at the moment, but I think it's crazy how we desperately go for those things that present themselves impossible to achieve, while things that practically throw themselves at our feet are taken for granted.
Maybe it's time to re-evaluate my life and take the things that are there for me now.
This is nothing deep. I'm just thinking about the idea.
So, according to my French professor, love in France is a game. You ignore the one you love. I think we also do this in America.
Similarly, it's also uncomfortable to express to friends how much they mean to you. Once, someone told me that I was a good friend...it was a really intense moment. I gave a thumbs up, because I felt too awkward to say anything else. That was stupid.
Telling someone that you're interested in them takes time...at least with me. I'm just reflecting on it at the moment, but I think it's crazy how we desperately go for those things that present themselves impossible to achieve, while things that practically throw themselves at our feet are taken for granted.
Maybe it's time to re-evaluate my life and take the things that are there for me now.
This is nothing deep. I'm just thinking about the idea.
Monday, April 7, 2008
Spring
Spring has sprung here in Murray. All I can say about this is that life is great. I have amazing friends. I have amazing times with those friends. I'm always sentimental about them, but I can't help thanking God for them everyday.
I also have the worst timing ever. I'll learn to think my timing through a little better the next time. La presencia del miedo es la ausencia del gozo. The presence of fear is the absence of joy.
I came up with that myself...at least, I don't think I got it from someone else. Had I thought along those lines about a month ago I might be singing a slightly different, but nonetheless still happy tune.
With this post I'm simply reestablishing (or maybe re-establishing) blogging habits, though I've posted a few things here and there on Facebook. I need a digital camera. There are important things in my life I need to show here.
I also have the worst timing ever. I'll learn to think my timing through a little better the next time. La presencia del miedo es la ausencia del gozo. The presence of fear is the absence of joy.
I came up with that myself...at least, I don't think I got it from someone else. Had I thought along those lines about a month ago I might be singing a slightly different, but nonetheless still happy tune.
With this post I'm simply reestablishing (or maybe re-establishing) blogging habits, though I've posted a few things here and there on Facebook. I need a digital camera. There are important things in my life I need to show here.
Monday, December 3, 2007
Can't Sleep
The things that keep us awake at night are always good for talking about in notes. However, I won't discuss too much openly here. I want to write, but I don't want to pour everything out on Facebook, or even on a piece of paper at home. Learn from the past and move on, right?
I used to be the kid in high school who moped around trying to get attention. I did have real reasons to be sad, but I let it consume me. Because of that, I hate writing blogs and sounding depressed. In fact, I hate telling anyone about problems. I don't feel comfortable in my own skin right now, and I don't think I ever have. I'm reading the youth translation of Brennan Manning's "Abba's Child," and as a result, I'm trying desperately to learn to love myself. The truth is, though, that there are so many things about me that I despise. I want to pretend like body image isn't an issue for me. I want to pretend that I think purely and have everything under control. I wish I could go back to how I was when I was in fourth grade. Back then, I was a good boy because it was how I felt convicted to be. I truly believed in loving others. As time went on, people saw those things and began to think that I was a great kid. I was a leader in the youth group at my church (if not THE leader). I was the one who was supposed to become a missionary. But I began to put on for others. I don't know what was authentic anymore. Did I do all of that because I was close to God, or did I do it to impress others?
I've begun a quest for reality. I strive only to show nothing more and nothing less than who I am. I believe in painful but loving honesty. I believe in cleaning up all the bullshit lying around. I've stopped believing in evangelism for the sake of evangelism. Relationships are key.
I've stopped believing in perfection. I know no one claims to be perfect, but do we not sacrifice every comfort in order to maintain the image of it? If we can't progressively be perfect, then we certainly must look good in whatever endeavors we pursue.
No.
Sorry, I'm not. I hope and pray that I will stop trying to act like it.
I used to be the kid in high school who moped around trying to get attention. I did have real reasons to be sad, but I let it consume me. Because of that, I hate writing blogs and sounding depressed. In fact, I hate telling anyone about problems. I don't feel comfortable in my own skin right now, and I don't think I ever have. I'm reading the youth translation of Brennan Manning's "Abba's Child," and as a result, I'm trying desperately to learn to love myself. The truth is, though, that there are so many things about me that I despise. I want to pretend like body image isn't an issue for me. I want to pretend that I think purely and have everything under control. I wish I could go back to how I was when I was in fourth grade. Back then, I was a good boy because it was how I felt convicted to be. I truly believed in loving others. As time went on, people saw those things and began to think that I was a great kid. I was a leader in the youth group at my church (if not THE leader). I was the one who was supposed to become a missionary. But I began to put on for others. I don't know what was authentic anymore. Did I do all of that because I was close to God, or did I do it to impress others?
I've begun a quest for reality. I strive only to show nothing more and nothing less than who I am. I believe in painful but loving honesty. I believe in cleaning up all the bullshit lying around. I've stopped believing in evangelism for the sake of evangelism. Relationships are key.
I've stopped believing in perfection. I know no one claims to be perfect, but do we not sacrifice every comfort in order to maintain the image of it? If we can't progressively be perfect, then we certainly must look good in whatever endeavors we pursue.
No.
Sorry, I'm not. I hope and pray that I will stop trying to act like it.
Sunday, November 25, 2007
Water
Water is clear...
Air is clear.
Glass is clear.
But I would say that my water is a bit murky,
my air a little cloudy,
my glass somewhat hazy.
But that's ok. I'm happy now because it was completely opaque.
Air is clear.
Glass is clear.
But I would say that my water is a bit murky,
my air a little cloudy,
my glass somewhat hazy.
But that's ok. I'm happy now because it was completely opaque.
Water
Water is clear...
Air is clear.
Glass is clear.
But I would say that my water is a bit murky,
my air a little cloudy,
my glass somewhat hazy.
But that's ok. I'm happy now because it was completely opaque.
Air is clear.
Glass is clear.
But I would say that my water is a bit murky,
my air a little cloudy,
my glass somewhat hazy.
But that's ok. I'm happy now because it was completely opaque.
Monday, October 22, 2007
Mexico or Germany?
Next summer I need to go somewhere. I'm starting to get the itch to travel again...No, I take that back. It's starting to overwhelm me. I've been dying to get back out into the wide world beyond Kentucky since Last year, and my brief two weeks in Germany last spring only made me want to head back out even more.
Will I ever want to settle down?
I'm 20, and while I'm young, I want to go places and see things. I want to learn other languages and understand other people. I've started unofficially learning some Russian from a friend of mine, and I've got this little bit of French I picked up during high school...I could get my fluency in five languages within the next two or three years if I try hard enough. But I'm not quite ready to start working on the new ones yet. I want to go back to Mexico or Germany. The question is, which one do I pick?
Mexico is cheaper (but only by about $200). I've not been there since the very end of 2004, and I can't believe that. There's also a good deal of help I could contribute there...
Germany is where I feel a bit more involved. Having lived there for a year, keeping in constant contac with friends from there, and the good public transportation is a plus. Europe is really fascinating, but also a good place to relax.
I really hate having to decide. Part of me wants to go to Germany for a while, then head to Mexico immediately afterward. Part of me wants to spend the whole summer abroad. Part of me wants to slap both of those other parts in the face.
Anyway, any input? Flying to Mexico will cost roughly $530...Germany will cost anywhere from $800-$1000...but if I start saving now, it shouldn't be a problem...There are also other things I'm considering...Grad school, immediately employment...It's all too much. I have no idea what I want to do right now.
Will I ever want to settle down?
I'm 20, and while I'm young, I want to go places and see things. I want to learn other languages and understand other people. I've started unofficially learning some Russian from a friend of mine, and I've got this little bit of French I picked up during high school...I could get my fluency in five languages within the next two or three years if I try hard enough. But I'm not quite ready to start working on the new ones yet. I want to go back to Mexico or Germany. The question is, which one do I pick?
Mexico is cheaper (but only by about $200). I've not been there since the very end of 2004, and I can't believe that. There's also a good deal of help I could contribute there...
Germany is where I feel a bit more involved. Having lived there for a year, keeping in constant contac with friends from there, and the good public transportation is a plus. Europe is really fascinating, but also a good place to relax.
I really hate having to decide. Part of me wants to go to Germany for a while, then head to Mexico immediately afterward. Part of me wants to spend the whole summer abroad. Part of me wants to slap both of those other parts in the face.
Anyway, any input? Flying to Mexico will cost roughly $530...Germany will cost anywhere from $800-$1000...but if I start saving now, it shouldn't be a problem...There are also other things I'm considering...Grad school, immediately employment...It's all too much. I have no idea what I want to do right now.
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Metal=Loud
And that's what I'm around Tuesdays and Thursdays from 4 PM to 12:30 AM. It's my new job, and I have to say, I like it more than I thought I would. I work at Briggs and Stratton as an operator in power testing. That means I am one of six people who are responsible for testing the engines and setting the speed on them. There are six different jobs to be done on the line, and I'm finally starting to feel fairly comfortable with them. (After three days of working)
Other than that, life is life. Bible studies are happening Monday nights at my apartment; I'm working on research papers; I'm spending time with friends...That's my life, and I'm pretty content at the moment.
I am also deciding to cut meat out of my diet for a while. Last week was my "experimental vegetarian week," and it went surprisingly well. I ate meat on Wednesday and Saturday, and that's because I was supporting things dealing with our German program. On Monday I had French onion soup (with beef broth), but the rest of the time it went fairly well. I haven't had any meat since Saturday, and I don't see any in the forecast at least until this Saturday (another Bratwurst grill with some of the language professors, language majors, and random people), and I might not eat any then. Sepa la bola.
But I feel pretty energetic now...I'm proud that I'm cutting out meat, because I've been eating healthier foods as a result. The book "Being Vegetarian for Dummies" has been a huge help...anyone wanting to make the transition should check it out.
Anyway, other than that, there's not a lot to say. If you're reading this, feel free to post a comment. If you'd prefer a different language, let me know, and I'll switch. I write so that people can keep up with me, and I'll switch to suit your preference...to a certain extent. Das heisst aber nicht, dass es sich nicht genauso wie jetzt anhoeren wird. Pero no creo que sea un problema del idioma...
In conclusion...
Keep it real.
~Bustaaaaa
Other than that, life is life. Bible studies are happening Monday nights at my apartment; I'm working on research papers; I'm spending time with friends...That's my life, and I'm pretty content at the moment.
I am also deciding to cut meat out of my diet for a while. Last week was my "experimental vegetarian week," and it went surprisingly well. I ate meat on Wednesday and Saturday, and that's because I was supporting things dealing with our German program. On Monday I had French onion soup (with beef broth), but the rest of the time it went fairly well. I haven't had any meat since Saturday, and I don't see any in the forecast at least until this Saturday (another Bratwurst grill with some of the language professors, language majors, and random people), and I might not eat any then. Sepa la bola.
But I feel pretty energetic now...I'm proud that I'm cutting out meat, because I've been eating healthier foods as a result. The book "Being Vegetarian for Dummies" has been a huge help...anyone wanting to make the transition should check it out.
Anyway, other than that, there's not a lot to say. If you're reading this, feel free to post a comment. If you'd prefer a different language, let me know, and I'll switch. I write so that people can keep up with me, and I'll switch to suit your preference...to a certain extent. Das heisst aber nicht, dass es sich nicht genauso wie jetzt anhoeren wird. Pero no creo que sea un problema del idioma...
In conclusion...
Keep it real.
~Bustaaaaa
Thursday, October 4, 2007
Cracking My Knuckles
I'm trying to think of something to write. I like to write regularly, but if anything exciting happened this week I was too tired to realize it.
It was a slow one. I spent some time with friends, convinced my Spanish professor to let us have one more day added to our Fall Break (which is all day Friday), and had dinner with a friend I haven't talked to in a while.
We had our first official Bible Study of the home church on Monday, which went quite well.
Other than that, I suppose I should say (in regards to my last entry) that I'm dropping EDU 303. Maybe I'll take it again next semester. Maybe not. I feel like the old woman who lived in the shoe...except my shoe looks like this...
Her's looked a little more like a boot...
But I'm the same as her...
I really don't know what to do.
It was a slow one. I spent some time with friends, convinced my Spanish professor to let us have one more day added to our Fall Break (which is all day Friday), and had dinner with a friend I haven't talked to in a while.
We had our first official Bible Study of the home church on Monday, which went quite well.
Other than that, I suppose I should say (in regards to my last entry) that I'm dropping EDU 303. Maybe I'll take it again next semester. Maybe not. I feel like the old woman who lived in the shoe...except my shoe looks like this...
Her's looked a little more like a boot...
But I'm the same as her...
I really don't know what to do.
Friday, September 21, 2007
Ph.D. or Señor Buster?
http://www.princetonreview.com/grad/research/articles/decide/phd.asp
The thing is, my Spanish professor threw out the idea. I mentioned here that the education program is filled with BS courses and homework, so I've wondered if that will affect my decision at all. Maybe I'll go ahead and get teaching certification, but starting early on a degree that promises about five years of constant research, starvation, and teaching sounds better than getting into something that might not be as enjoyable for me.
Why would I get a Ph.D? Questions I'm asking myself right now are:
Would I rather teach in college?
Would I rather be doing than teaching?
Do I want to be a student for another five years?
What are the advantages of actually getting a Ph.D?
Can I do the work?
The problem with me is this; I love to read. I love to be social. But I HATE doing work for things that don't interest me. That's where I'm having my biggest problem in my undergrad years. I hate to do homework. Will I enjoy reading books without ceasing, summarizing them, gathering information for a thesis, and in effect building my own project?
I think, at least for this semester, I'm going to stay in the education program here at MSU regardless of my nagging feeling that it's a mountain of you-know-what. I'll be writing research papers for my German and Spanish classes, so I'm hoping to get a feel (at least a small one) of what it's like to do that all the time.
What if, in the end, I get a Ph.D. and teach in high school? With such a high degree you're looking at (from what I've gathered) an approximately $35K increase in pay. Not that I need the money that badly, but if I like studying (and I do, in the sense that I like learning) and can get after doing something I love, then why not jump on it?
But I'm still wondering about becoming a missionary...I'm still thinking about the advantage of graduating with a very open job market that will help me pay off all my debts immediately, and even though I'm sure I want to be involved in language, traveling, culture and education, I'm not sure exactly which route I'll take now that I've come this far. The road forks off at least four different ways, and I believe for right now I can rule out the one that says interpreting. But the immediate choices (just to list them) are:
*Ph.D.
*Teaching certification
*Interpreting
*Getting out of school as quickly as possible in order to do mission work
*Dropping the education degree and hoping I can be hired to teach with BA's in German and Spanish
They all sound on some level appealing. Money is an issue, but only on the level of actually getting the money I'd need to do these things. For grad school, it's not too hard to get that paid for with teaching assistantships and things. Mission work would be, I believe, the most expensive. I'm not at all worried about lower pay later. I just don't want to be in debt the rest of my life.
I've been looking for a good way out of this blog, and since nothing's come up, I'll stop now.
~Buster
The thing is, my Spanish professor threw out the idea. I mentioned here that the education program is filled with BS courses and homework, so I've wondered if that will affect my decision at all. Maybe I'll go ahead and get teaching certification, but starting early on a degree that promises about five years of constant research, starvation, and teaching sounds better than getting into something that might not be as enjoyable for me.
Why would I get a Ph.D? Questions I'm asking myself right now are:
Would I rather teach in college?
Would I rather be doing than teaching?
Do I want to be a student for another five years?
What are the advantages of actually getting a Ph.D?
Can I do the work?
The problem with me is this; I love to read. I love to be social. But I HATE doing work for things that don't interest me. That's where I'm having my biggest problem in my undergrad years. I hate to do homework. Will I enjoy reading books without ceasing, summarizing them, gathering information for a thesis, and in effect building my own project?
I think, at least for this semester, I'm going to stay in the education program here at MSU regardless of my nagging feeling that it's a mountain of you-know-what. I'll be writing research papers for my German and Spanish classes, so I'm hoping to get a feel (at least a small one) of what it's like to do that all the time.
What if, in the end, I get a Ph.D. and teach in high school? With such a high degree you're looking at (from what I've gathered) an approximately $35K increase in pay. Not that I need the money that badly, but if I like studying (and I do, in the sense that I like learning) and can get after doing something I love, then why not jump on it?
But I'm still wondering about becoming a missionary...I'm still thinking about the advantage of graduating with a very open job market that will help me pay off all my debts immediately, and even though I'm sure I want to be involved in language, traveling, culture and education, I'm not sure exactly which route I'll take now that I've come this far. The road forks off at least four different ways, and I believe for right now I can rule out the one that says interpreting. But the immediate choices (just to list them) are:
*Ph.D.
*Teaching certification
*Interpreting
*Getting out of school as quickly as possible in order to do mission work
*Dropping the education degree and hoping I can be hired to teach with BA's in German and Spanish
They all sound on some level appealing. Money is an issue, but only on the level of actually getting the money I'd need to do these things. For grad school, it's not too hard to get that paid for with teaching assistantships and things. Mission work would be, I believe, the most expensive. I'm not at all worried about lower pay later. I just don't want to be in debt the rest of my life.
I've been looking for a good way out of this blog, and since nothing's come up, I'll stop now.
~Buster
Monday, September 17, 2007
Blogging de Nuevo
I think I'm back on with the blogging. The summer was so boring and long and hot that blogging just didn't sound worth doing. However, now that I'm back in school, getting pissed off at professors and meeting new people all the time, blogging is back in for me.
Anyway, to catch you up, I worked all summer in the pharmacy and moved back to Murray on August 17th. That night I had a little sleepover, because I didn't have furniture in my apartment. It was fun, but some key people were missing.
I've finally got everything I own in the apartment (well, except my bedframe), and it looks full and comfortable, for the most part. Monday nights is bible study night. A few of my friends were talking about making cookies, so it's going to be at my place this Wednesday. I cook for friends (mostly because I don't like to cook for just myself...my roommate is gone a lot).
So far, I'm enjoying the apartment, except for worrying about bills and rent. We've finally turned off the air conditioning because the weather has finally moved into my favorite kind. I slept last night with the window open and nearly froze. I wore a long sleeved shirt today. I like that for some reason.
I'll give you the titles of my classes...see what you think:
SPA 323 Advanced Spanish Culture
SPA 460 Short Stories and Poetry
GER 331 Advanced German Language Practice
GER 450 German Literary Masterpieces
EDU 303 Instructional Strategies for Teachers
They sound great, I think, but, for the most part, I'm not happy with them. SPA 323 is with my favorite Spanish professor, but his class is boring (and starts at 8 AM)
EDU 303 is the biggest crock of BS I've ever encountered (with a few useful things hidden along the way...the teacher bores us, says she can tell we've been given too much information, and throws even more on us)
My Spanish 460 class has great content...we read Spanish poems from the 1500's onward that are really great and I've enjoyed getting to know, but the class is filled up with stupid talks about poetic devices (syntax, synthesis...shi, ehm...)
What else? German 331 is stressful. My class has people who are fantastic, and others who are awful, but I've made a new friend there, who I call my protegee. He taught himself German in a year and a half online, but has trouble understanding people who speak it to him...
German 450 is by far my favorite class with my advisor/favorite professor. Enough said there.
And I think I should say enough said for everything right now. I'm hungry and need lunch.
I have GER 450 today, and then I'll be working in the Modern Languages Department (grading papers...I'm worried about how I'm going to do it when I've got 210 students...it takes me every bit of 2 hours to grade 70 quizzes)
Anyway...lunch time.
Anyway, to catch you up, I worked all summer in the pharmacy and moved back to Murray on August 17th. That night I had a little sleepover, because I didn't have furniture in my apartment. It was fun, but some key people were missing.
I've finally got everything I own in the apartment (well, except my bedframe), and it looks full and comfortable, for the most part. Monday nights is bible study night. A few of my friends were talking about making cookies, so it's going to be at my place this Wednesday. I cook for friends (mostly because I don't like to cook for just myself...my roommate is gone a lot).
So far, I'm enjoying the apartment, except for worrying about bills and rent. We've finally turned off the air conditioning because the weather has finally moved into my favorite kind. I slept last night with the window open and nearly froze. I wore a long sleeved shirt today. I like that for some reason.
I'll give you the titles of my classes...see what you think:
SPA 323 Advanced Spanish Culture
SPA 460 Short Stories and Poetry
GER 331 Advanced German Language Practice
GER 450 German Literary Masterpieces
EDU 303 Instructional Strategies for Teachers
They sound great, I think, but, for the most part, I'm not happy with them. SPA 323 is with my favorite Spanish professor, but his class is boring (and starts at 8 AM)
EDU 303 is the biggest crock of BS I've ever encountered (with a few useful things hidden along the way...the teacher bores us, says she can tell we've been given too much information, and throws even more on us)
My Spanish 460 class has great content...we read Spanish poems from the 1500's onward that are really great and I've enjoyed getting to know, but the class is filled up with stupid talks about poetic devices (syntax, synthesis...shi, ehm...)
What else? German 331 is stressful. My class has people who are fantastic, and others who are awful, but I've made a new friend there, who I call my protegee. He taught himself German in a year and a half online, but has trouble understanding people who speak it to him...
German 450 is by far my favorite class with my advisor/favorite professor. Enough said there.
And I think I should say enough said for everything right now. I'm hungry and need lunch.
I have GER 450 today, and then I'll be working in the Modern Languages Department (grading papers...I'm worried about how I'm going to do it when I've got 210 students...it takes me every bit of 2 hours to grade 70 quizzes)
Anyway...lunch time.
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Just Wondering
You know that feeling you get when you realize that you haven't done half of the things you wanted to do?
Or that sickening feeling that comes over you when you step back and look at what a mess you've made of your life?
Just wondering.
Or that sickening feeling that comes over you when you step back and look at what a mess you've made of your life?
Just wondering.
Saturday, May 19, 2007
Pushin Pills, Being Tired, and Stuff
I don't know if pushin pills refers to something bad or not, so just to clear it up, I mean I'm filling prescriptions at the pharmacy. That's my summer job. I'm the pharmacy's "hey! do this!" kid. It's alright. The pay is good enough for me and more than I was expecting/adding into my budget for the summer.
I've also been noticing my poor sleeping habits beginning to take their hold on me. Being at work at 8:00 is forcing me to get out of bed somewhat earlier than I've been used to this entire semester (having my first class at 9:30 since January).
But really, I have nothing else to say. I just filled myself up with some Mexican food and feel like a stomach pumping would be in order.
I'm going to go drink some water.
I've also been noticing my poor sleeping habits beginning to take their hold on me. Being at work at 8:00 is forcing me to get out of bed somewhat earlier than I've been used to this entire semester (having my first class at 9:30 since January).
But really, I have nothing else to say. I just filled myself up with some Mexican food and feel like a stomach pumping would be in order.
I'm going to go drink some water.
Monday, May 7, 2007
Chuggin away...
So, I'm looking for an apartment for next year...
As well as standing on the brink of having 3 papers to write in one day...A Spanish one exceeding 5 pages, a civ one right at that, and another civ one that will be somewhat shorter than the first.
Then I have an online ID section for civ...and a Spanish final on Miercoles, and lastly Deutscher Donnerstag...The German should be easy...a 5 minute presentation on my part, and two pages worth of questions...I've got to look over some German composers though...
That's all the updating anyone's getting right now...
Until the end of this crazy week...
~Buster
As well as standing on the brink of having 3 papers to write in one day...A Spanish one exceeding 5 pages, a civ one right at that, and another civ one that will be somewhat shorter than the first.
Then I have an online ID section for civ...and a Spanish final on Miercoles, and lastly Deutscher Donnerstag...The German should be easy...a 5 minute presentation on my part, and two pages worth of questions...I've got to look over some German composers though...
That's all the updating anyone's getting right now...
Until the end of this crazy week...
~Buster
Thursday, May 3, 2007
An die Freude
I'm so glad and thankful that school is almost over. Since I've been buried under masses of huge projects, presentations, and essays, I've developed a sort of apathy for just about everything. I make time to do other things, but at the same time, I never really feel free from all the pressure of school work.
I'm so thankful that next week that'll be over. Just two and a half essays more, and I'll be finished for the semester.
I won't have fantastic grades, but I've learned a lot this semester. One, I've realized how important it is to not overload yourself, and two, I've discovered I simply can't work (at least not off-campus) while I'm studying.
What am I going to do differently next semester?
For one, let's fast forward to the end of the month, when I'll be working and saving money for next year (I mean, in the terms of next school year). My plans are to find a semi-decent job (or possibly two, one being for weekends...I don't know yet)and begin saving. I had planned on going to Germany next semester, but because of a lack of scholarships and other funding, I'll be postponing those plans for the next year. That should give me time to save up a bit for then, and not have to go into debt for it.
Another thing that will happen next semester is that I'll begin working in the MSU Modern Languages Department for 10 hours a week at minimum wage. This is an advantage because, unlike my last job, I'll have a steady paycheck that I can budget, plus money saved up from the summer, and I'll be able to get in some practical experience grading papers and teaching vocabulary words to language students. Also, I'll probably have opportunities to tutor, which will give me teaching practice and extra money.
As far as school goes, I just want to make sure that *I* am the one in control; and not my heaping mounds of homework. I can get a 4.0 if I put in a little effort. Plus, I'll be doing mostly classes (from here on out) in my major, so they'll be a little more interesting to me.
As far as summer plans go, anything that I had thought about before is still there, but I don't know if it'll actually go through. I have $200 for a United flight that I have to use before August. For that reason, I'm trying to think of where I'll go...
Yeah, so that's about it. I know I didn't really say a lot about Germany, but there isn't a whole lot to say. If I ever get my pictures on a disk I'll put them up here. We built. Ten hours a day. It was a lot, but I learned a lot of practical thnigs through it too, and because I spent so much time ripping up linoleum and tearing down walls, I look at houses a bit differently now.
Anyway, I need to go to my dorm. I'm going to try to get an outline for one of those two essays finished. Then I'm going to get out my civ book and go over some things for my final.
A good day to you all.
I'm so thankful that next week that'll be over. Just two and a half essays more, and I'll be finished for the semester.
I won't have fantastic grades, but I've learned a lot this semester. One, I've realized how important it is to not overload yourself, and two, I've discovered I simply can't work (at least not off-campus) while I'm studying.
What am I going to do differently next semester?
For one, let's fast forward to the end of the month, when I'll be working and saving money for next year (I mean, in the terms of next school year). My plans are to find a semi-decent job (or possibly two, one being for weekends...I don't know yet)and begin saving. I had planned on going to Germany next semester, but because of a lack of scholarships and other funding, I'll be postponing those plans for the next year. That should give me time to save up a bit for then, and not have to go into debt for it.
Another thing that will happen next semester is that I'll begin working in the MSU Modern Languages Department for 10 hours a week at minimum wage. This is an advantage because, unlike my last job, I'll have a steady paycheck that I can budget, plus money saved up from the summer, and I'll be able to get in some practical experience grading papers and teaching vocabulary words to language students. Also, I'll probably have opportunities to tutor, which will give me teaching practice and extra money.
As far as school goes, I just want to make sure that *I* am the one in control; and not my heaping mounds of homework. I can get a 4.0 if I put in a little effort. Plus, I'll be doing mostly classes (from here on out) in my major, so they'll be a little more interesting to me.
As far as summer plans go, anything that I had thought about before is still there, but I don't know if it'll actually go through. I have $200 for a United flight that I have to use before August. For that reason, I'm trying to think of where I'll go...
Yeah, so that's about it. I know I didn't really say a lot about Germany, but there isn't a whole lot to say. If I ever get my pictures on a disk I'll put them up here. We built. Ten hours a day. It was a lot, but I learned a lot of practical thnigs through it too, and because I spent so much time ripping up linoleum and tearing down walls, I look at houses a bit differently now.
Anyway, I need to go to my dorm. I'm going to try to get an outline for one of those two essays finished. Then I'm going to get out my civ book and go over some things for my final.
A good day to you all.
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